I find it insane how much things have changed since I last wrote... Who would have thought that things would have ended up this way?
Maria told me that she was manipulating me, and that she never had feelings for me. It was a bit of a blow. She was committed to a mental hospital for evaluation by her friends after she told me she was going to kill herself. They diagnosed her with Borderline Personality Disorder. I hope she can work through her problems- I think she is an amazing person deep inside- but I think she has been hurt so much- that she cannot function normally anymore. I will always be here for her as a friend though.
So, I started dating Kara. She is an amazing girl. She sees so much in me, and I am slightly frightened that she will do the same thing to me as Maria... I know it's a stupid thought, but I guess I just don't want her to hurt me the way that Maria did... I wish I could know if her intentions were pure. I don't think she would like me IRL however...I am not sure. I guess for now I will trust that her feelings are true. I do hope that they are. She seems like such a deep and gentle person... And she is so cute as well.
Maria is now dating a girl named Nancy. When I talked to Nancy the first time- she came out to me as a lesbian, and told me that she had feelings for Maria. Maria had also mentioned that she had feelings for Nancy, but said she did not know what orientation Nancy was, and didn't want to ruin their friendship by saying her feelings...
Well, after Nancy told me what she did- she told Maria the next morning to read our conversation so that she could know about her feelings. They are dating now. It is really cute. I am glad that they are together, even though I admit I still do have slight feelings for Maria...
I hope that I can continue to talk with both of them, and I hope that they end up having a long and healthy relationship.
I have not talked to Sharon in over a week. I am saddened by this. When Katherine told Sharon what Rob had said, she did not believe her- and if Rob did not tell her what was going on- that would mean that I did...I would have never...I feel really bad for her, and I hope that her and Rob can work things out, and if they cannot, I hope she can lead a happy life without him. I just wish she would get online so I could talk to her about it... I feel like there is so much up in the air. But I guess I just have to wait, and if she wants to speak with me- she will. There is nothing that I can do at this point.
Katherine is very emotional at this time in her life. She is experiencing emotions that she has not since the death of her brother... I am worried about her to be honest. I want to be there for her, but I think sometimes she takes my comfort as something more... I don't have any feelings for her though, and I feel weird about it when I am in a relationship with Kara. Still- she does not try and make the situation awkward, and she tries and not put her feelings on me- so I guess it is okay. I just hope that she can learn to be happy. I hope that there is something I can do to help her in that.
I have not heard from MAD in awhile- I guess it might be a good sign. I want to get to know him better- but I think that perhaps he just wants to keep as acquaintances and only talk about the situations dealing with Kara and Maria... I am not sure. I guess only time will tell on this. Either way- he seems like a good guy. He believes that Maria has some type of special connection, and was actually able to talk with me while in the hospital... I am not sure on this... It could be possible, but it seems rather unbelievable. I don't think there is any way for me to actually know if she can do this or not- all I can do is trust that she is telling the truth.
I am a bit confused on a lot of things, I hope that eventually life becomes more clear for me. I want to be a happy and well adjusted person. I can only try my hardest though.
