So Today I had a breakdown.
I feel like such a little girl sometimes. >.>
The day started off awesome, I woke up early,
helped Tammy get dinner done,
spent time with Kai,
and then Charon came,
and I think I really like him as a friend,
even though he's Kai's friend,
I think I might want to be his friend too >.>
Still, he's only 16...
Also,
I made him take the MBTI test,
and he scored INTJ
I think I have an attraction to that type as friends.
Anyway,
so it was kind of awkward, because Charon drove 4 hours to get there,
and Kai was all smacking faces with Saturn, and it was really obvious
that Charon was uncomfortable with it.
I'm sure it's because he likes her.
Although,
I get a bisexual vibe from him as well,
Kai thinks I'm crazy,
but my gaydar isn't wrong very often.
So things were going good.
But it started to go downhill when mom told me I couldn't use her
laptop anymore. I felt really ill.
I mean, I know it's hers, but she told me I could use it as much as I
wanted, and even gave me my own login...
She says I need to make real friends,
but I don't think she understands how hard that is to actually do...
But I'm on it right now XD It's because I'm getting Kai's Ipad ready.
Yeah, Tim got her an Ipad.
>.>
I'm a bit sad.
Because Keith got a laptop,
and Kai got an Ipad,
and I got nothing.
I think it's because I didn't graduate though,
which is completely understandable,
but I feel really left out anyway...
I did get my GED,
and I had a good reason for dropping out,
life became extremely complicated senior year...
Sigh.
Still,
I know I shouldn't feel this way,
but I do. >.>
So after that I started feeling really hopeless, because I don't have a computer anymore,
and mom won't let me use hers anymore,
and I know I'm not getting one as a gift <.<
Then my back was hurting so badly on top of it all,
and my mom was telling me how I needed to be more proactive for the 1000th time
of the day, and it was so overwhelming
and I went outside and laid under the stars in the grass,
and I cried,
and cried,
and cried,
and when they asked,
I told them my back was hurting so badly,
and I wasn't lying,
but I wasn't telling the truth either.
Then I came home and took some hydrocodone,
I feel like I might be becoming addicted,
but I really do feel pain.
It helps my physical pain,
and my emotional,
but I'm really worried I'm becoming dependent. >.>
